The Symphony of Possibility
Post by Onna Carr
When I am afraid, I usually consider whatever I am afraid of, and I then conquer my fear, but sometimes, it takes me years to realize and then verbalize my fears. An example of this is how I recently came to take a hard look at the fact that though I always said that I never have dated because I had responsibilities in the past and responsibilities in the present that are not particularly conducive to dating, I realized that I also feared the "what-ifs" if dating went wrong.
The thing is, on my own, I am truly "enough." I am enough for those I love and care for: my family and my friends, and they love me because not in spite of my zany ways. They all get me without a full disclosure form on my many varied eccentricities, and I get them and love them all because, not in spite of themselves.
I intended to never date but this Summer, I realized that perhaps, it wasn't about the dating. At all. Perhaps, it was about reframing that whole discussion to the fact that if I missed out being there for someone, and they missed out being there for me, and we missed out being there for our kids, that would be the thing to be feared way more than the "what-ifs" a possible relationship could bring up. Because the best thing about this beautiful mess we call life, is the people in it and the worst thing about this life, is the empty spaces created by the loss of those people or the fact that we never let them into our lives and had empty space where we could have had living souls.
So, I faced that fear, and there have been awkward digressions along the way and though I have not yet "dated," I am leaving "being there" for someone as a possibility. I do not know where that symphony of possibility will lead, but I do know I am glad I faced my fear.
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